Wasabi. In particular, the character of Yumi played by 広末 涼子. I’m not going to divulge who, or why this film reminds me of someone. Just know that I know someone so much like Yumi. And this person is awesome.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’d say I never chose to watch a film to feel down or depressed. The logic in that hurts my head. I will however, watch a film because it’s good. It may just prove to be a bit of a downer. Along those lines, I picked a film today that I think is quite excellent but I also find really depressing.

Breathless (À bout de souffle) by Jean-Luc Godard. It was Godard’s first feature and considered to be his best by many (I reserve that designation for Pierrot le Fou, but I digress). This film kicked off modern cinema as far as I’m concerned. It has been widely imitated – though not quite ever duplicated – and if imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, then this might be the most flattered film of all. It’s that good, really.

However, it is also that sad. I always feel bad for Michael. He’s a hapless criminal, and a really bad imitation of Humphrey Bogart. He’s not particularly charming, or cunning. During a car theft attempt things get even worse. He shoots a cop which instantly puts him on the lam. However, given that he’s quite a bad criminal, he’s got no money and knows he won’t last long on his own. Enter Patricia, his girlfriend. She decides to let him stay with her, not really caring for his presence.

I think the fact that I identify and feel sympathy for Michael is purely in the way the film is shot. There’s nothing particularly alluring about the character otherwise, but the film feels so intimate, that you can’t not feel with him. You feel the irritation in his charmless attempts at seduction, the tension of trying chase down enough money to buy freedom; the knee jerk reaction to Patricia’s claims that she’s pregnant. And worst of all, you feel betrayed when Michael ultimately is. At the end, you feel his resignation when he finally gives in and then, of course, in the infamous final sequence, each painstaking footfall resonates.

Kamikaze Girls or 下妻物語「Shimotsuma Story」is just the perfect film to make me happy. At its heart it is the story of two girls, Momoko, who is obsessed with pretty things and only pretty things. She loves French rococo and anything with frills. The other girl, Ichiko, well, Ichigo (Japanese for strawberry) is her antithesis, a rough, unsophisticated member of an all-girl scooter gang. They meet as Ichiko is trying to buy Momoko’s dad’s cheap knock off clothing. The film is the epitome of cute. From the main characters themselves (who are often vibrant caricatures as much as characters) to the supporting cast, and the slightly off-kilter world is great.

Filled with bright, shiny visuals, animated interludes, and some of the most interesting fashions, it is as pretty as it is heartwarming. Extremely funny, extremely cute. One of my favorites. Plus, Anna Tsuchiya plays Ichiko. Can’t beat that.

Just as it was nearly impossible to definitely state that I had a favourite movie, it is equally as impossible to say which I like the least. Furthermore, there are bad films; films that have absolutely no quality, plot, acting, whatnot and then there are films that aren’t so terrible, but a viewer might just hate. I decided that instead of taking the easy way out and picking on a film that is just awful (like, Thankskilling, for example), I’d choose a film that’s slightly more respected and despite that I just cannot stand.

Goldfinger. Okay, full disclosure: I HATE James Bond. Under Ian Fleming’s pen he was misogynistic, xenophobic, and extremely juvenile. In the films he wasn’t much better.

Okay, so Terence Young did a decent enough job. he reigned in the foolish libido-infused misogyny and the super silly, campy sci-fi elements. When Guy Hamilton jumped on board with Goldfinger, what little reserve there was, was thrown away.

Goldfinger is just stupid. The plot is nonsensical, the one-liners are annoying, Auric Goldfinger is the most inept villain ever, Oddjob is cringeworthy, the Mastersons are walked all over by every man in the film (before one is left “naked” and killed by being painted gold) and all that without mention of Pussy Galore. Every time I hear that name I shudder. Not only is her name absolutely revolting and offensive, but when I hear her name, I’m reminded about how she’s treated in the film. Which, I know, I voted Branded to Kill as my favourite film and it has some heavy Bond leanings, and the women in the film are treated rather badly, but not so gleefully as in Goldfinger. Pussy Galore is raped. There, I said it. And it’s not just that she’s raped. I don’t automatically hate a film because of its use of rape. But it’s done so with so much pride here. There’s throbbing romance music being played. It’s camped up, and then Ms. Galore just relents as if to say “oh, do with me what you will, you rogue!” Vile.

To be honest, I thought maybe I was being unfair on Bond, so I recently re-watched all the films through Netflix instant streaming. Some I found slightly more redeemed (say, Thunderball), but Goldfinger, I grew to dislike even more. Especially the famous “torture/death” sequence where Goldfinger threatens to de-libido Mr. Bond with a laser which is to say “All the power of this most dangerous and cunning spy resides in his penis!” So. Juvenile.

The only redeemable part in the film is right before credit roll when Bond takes off his dry to suit to find a perfectly pressed suit underneath. Oh how I wish I could pull that off. Even the trailer for this film I find distasteful. The majority of the trailer is filled with the noun “girls” and matching it with innuendo-filled action verbs. I’ve often heard “Every man wants to be Bond and every woman wants to be a Bond Girl.” Sure, you may want to be a Bond girl if you’re perfectly okay with being walked all over, marginalized, used then tossed, and possibly raped. How insulting. As for ‘men wanting to be Bond.’ No thanks. Boys want to be Bond. Men should know better.